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New Year Program

New Year is coming, Let’s take a look at the program for next year on:

Ecclesiatical TV.

Covenant Service.

Highly structured talkie in which people make or renew lifelong vows (as in marriage) between themselves and God.

Easter.

Tragic but feel good drama in which a caring wise man and critic of the establishment is unjustly arrested and judicially murdered – but hey! Like E.T. he comes back to life.

Ascension Day.

Supernatural thriller. For 40 days an executed oddball appears and disappears in mysterious circumstances. He walks, talks, cooks, eats, and then vanishes upwards into a cloudy sky.

Pentecost.

A supermarket that charges five times more than fair trade prices. Alternatively, a crowd of social misfits meet in secret, obeying instructions from their mystical dead-but-alive leader.

After breakfast they have wind problems. The house shakes and they see flames of fire on each others’ heads. Wildly excited, they rush outside and babble to the gathering crowd – who, amazingly, understand them. Now known as ‘the birthday of the church’ – who are sometimes referred to as ‘ a peculiar people’ (KJV).
Ordinary Time.

What churches do between the special bits, not to be confused with Greenwich Mean Time and British Summer Time. A wide variety of experiences week by week that form the lifeblood of the church.

Advent.

Inexplicable ad. break between Bonfire Night and Christmas when children open cardboard doors to find chocolates. Google ‘Real Advent calendar’ to get the whole story.

Christmas.

Ever popular soap opera about an unmarried mother whose partner stands by her. Understated travel saga ending in an act of kindness and safe arrival of a baby.


Where is God in all this? Come to church to find out.

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